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I'm the toxic person on the team. How do I approach my manager?

As assistant manager, supporting a team member the boss is down onI'm a director. One team member has complained to me about his manager (whom I manage). How do I address it?How to deal with envy amongst my direct reports?How to handle a manager constantly demotivating youConflict between team membersHow to communicate that the root cause of a problem is a manager's leadership style?How to approach an unprofessional manager without getting fired?My co-workers knowledge doesn’t match my concept of their rolesAm I starting to be micromanaged?How to provide anonymous feedback about a problematic manager in order to be helpful?

2

I work on a medium sized software engineering team. I have been generally not a good person to work with lately, there has been feedback from team members as feedback directed at the team, but its obvious its in reference to my specific behaviors. There is definite tension and friction that is affecting the team.

Google for toxic senior software engineer, I have some of those traits, not all, and also i am not like this all the time (mental health issues contribute but i'm working on it). However, this is general pattern for me (been fired before). As I have grown older though, I am generally more self aware, I eventually realize i'm the source of issues, and try to amend, apologize, and address feedback. I'm very senior on the technical side, and am at times, a high performer. I lack a lot of soft skills you would expect someone with a senior title to have.

I haven't been approached by my manager yet, but the writing's on the wall. I'm addressing specific issues with coworkers directly, and apologizing for specific behavior. I want to make an effort to hear and address my coworkers feedback directly before I involve my manager.

However, I am not quite sure how to approach my manager. He is in general very hands off so he may not be entirely aware of what is going on.

At this point, I'd rather be proactive but I don't know what kind of liability it is to approach my manager and say "hey i'm a bad employee that is negatively impacting the team." I generally like where I work, and I am well compensated, and have interesting projects to work on, I also would like to not get fired, but my reputation is also likely compromised.

management conflict

share|improve this question

edited 31 secs ago

user1152226

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

add a comment | 

2

I work on a medium sized software engineering team. I have been generally not a good person to work with lately, there has been feedback from team members as feedback directed at the team, but its obvious its in reference to my specific behaviors. There is definite tension and friction that is affecting the team.

Google for toxic senior software engineer, I have some of those traits, not all, and also i am not like this all the time (mental health issues contribute but i'm working on it). However, this is general pattern for me (been fired before). As I have grown older though, I am generally more self aware, I eventually realize i'm the source of issues, and try to amend, apologize, and address feedback. I'm very senior on the technical side, and am at times, a high performer. I lack a lot of soft skills you would expect someone with a senior title to have.

I haven't been approached by my manager yet, but the writing's on the wall. I'm addressing specific issues with coworkers directly, and apologizing for specific behavior. I want to make an effort to hear and address my coworkers feedback directly before I involve my manager.

However, I am not quite sure how to approach my manager. He is in general very hands off so he may not be entirely aware of what is going on.

At this point, I'd rather be proactive but I don't know what kind of liability it is to approach my manager and say "hey i'm a bad employee that is negatively impacting the team." I generally like where I work, and I am well compensated, and have interesting projects to work on, I also would like to not get fired, but my reputation is also likely compromised.

management conflict

share|improve this question

edited 31 secs ago

user1152226

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

add a comment | 

I work on a medium sized software engineering team. I have been generally not a good person to work with lately, there has been feedback from team members as feedback directed at the team, but its obvious its in reference to my specific behaviors. There is definite tension and friction that is affecting the team.

Google for toxic senior software engineer, I have some of those traits, not all, and also i am not like this all the time (mental health issues contribute but i'm working on it). However, this is general pattern for me (been fired before). As I have grown older though, I am generally more self aware, I eventually realize i'm the source of issues, and try to amend, apologize, and address feedback. I'm very senior on the technical side, and am at times, a high performer. I lack a lot of soft skills you would expect someone with a senior title to have.

I haven't been approached by my manager yet, but the writing's on the wall. I'm addressing specific issues with coworkers directly, and apologizing for specific behavior. I want to make an effort to hear and address my coworkers feedback directly before I involve my manager.

However, I am not quite sure how to approach my manager. He is in general very hands off so he may not be entirely aware of what is going on.

At this point, I'd rather be proactive but I don't know what kind of liability it is to approach my manager and say "hey i'm a bad employee that is negatively impacting the team." I generally like where I work, and I am well compensated, and have interesting projects to work on, I also would like to not get fired, but my reputation is also likely compromised.

management conflict

share|improve this question

edited 31 secs ago

user1152226

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

share|improve this question

edited 31 secs ago

user1152226

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

share|improve this question

edited 31 secs ago

user1152226

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364

asked 19 mins ago

user1152226user1152226

364